The following was tacked up over Susan's desk.
Our deepest
fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our
light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves,
who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually,
who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small
does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking
so that other people won't feel unsure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own
light shine, we unconsciously give other people the right to do
the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically
liberates others.
---Nelson Mandela, 1994 inaugural speech
Here's
a prayer that Susan had by her bed.
Goddess, I offer
myself to thee to build with me and to do with me as thou will;
Relieve me of bondage of self that I may better do thy will.
Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness
to those I would help of thy power, thy love and thy way of life.
May I do thy will
always.
This
was taped to one of Susan's dresser/desks.
I add my breath
to your breath
That our days may be long on the Earth
That the days of our Peole may be long
That we may be one person
That we may finish our roads together
May our Mother bless you with life
May our life paths be fulfilled.
old Kerves (Pueblo
Indian) song
This
was the page for February 13th, the day Susan died, from the book
of daily meditations that was beside Susan's bed. Susan's next door
neighbor Lauren Williams read the passage at the memorial service.
The Voice of
Adventure
February 13
Those who try
to keep their lives will lose them. But those who give up their
lives will save them.
Luke 17:33
There is a rawness
and a wonder to life. Pursue it. Hunt for it. Sell out to get it.
don't listen to the whines of those who have settled for a second-rate
life and want you to do the same so they won't feel guilty. Your
goal is not to live long: it's to live.
Jesus says the
options are clear. On one side there is the voice of safety. You
can ;build a fire in the hearth, stay inside, and stay warm and
dry and
safe. . .
Or you can hear
the voice of adventure - God's adventure. Instead of building a
fire in your hearth, build a fire in your heart. Follow God's impulses.
Adopt the child. Move overseas. Teach the class. Change careers.
Run for office. Make a difference. Sure it isn't safe, but what
is?
He Still Moves
Stones
From "Grace
for the Moment", by Max Lucado
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Susan's
sister Wilda sent this from India, where a Hindu celebration called
a puja was held for Susan on March 28th. Here is the fabulous story.
March
28, 2002 at 12 noon in the Hindu calculation was the auspicious
time for Susan's 40th day puja, the final ceremony after her death
signaling the end of mourning and purposefully evoking her ancestors
to guide her soul to its spiritual home.
Preparation for the puja was extensive. Guided and assisted by my
dear friend, Ila Koirala, Jaya's daughter, Ragini, my driver, Ila's
household staff, and I scurried around for days gathering the many
items required for the puja. First, we had to have the clean bricks
for the fire base, then the fire holder, the wood, the clarified
butter (ghee) to ignite the fire and the many spices and herbs that
are tossed together by the priest to make a proper incense to be
fed to the fire. We also needed 15 clay diyas in which the ghee
is also put with a cotton wick to be lit throughout the ceremony.
A set of woman's clothes that Susan would have liked, jewellry (a
nose ring, earings and toe rings), hair ornaments, & cosmetics
were to be blessed by the priest and then given to someone whose
enjoyment will be reflected back to Susan's soul. I choose a tourquoise
kurta and churridar outfit made from hand spun Khadi cotton and
we gifted it to my driver's wife. We also needed 15 pieces of fruit,
1/2 kilo white flowers, two marigold garlands, two types of sweets,
teel (or sesame seed) unhusked and husked rice, 15 paan leaves,
15 mango leaves, clay cups with Ganges water, leaf bowls and plates,
several trays, brass water holder for 1/2 kilo of unboiled milk,
mats for sitting on the ground, a small table for the offerings,
a smaller table for Susan's photo and Susan's photo. Special food
following the puja, all vegetarian with puris and a sweet rice/milk
dessert was also required and managed completely by Ragini and her
household. And, of course, we needed a priest. A lovely older priest
who has been the priest to Ila's home for 50 years, came and put
all the items together. led the vedic ceremony with great sensitivity
and kindness.
The priest arrived an hour early, I introduced him to Susan and
her family through both photos and the sketches Susan did of her
daughters and Sarah's children. He liked that she was an artist.
I showed him her 1967 sketch book from her India visit and did my
best to communicate in my very simple Hindi. Then with the help
of Rana and Purna, all things for the puja were gathered and arranged
on the balcony in front of the living room.
First, the priest took out his compass to determine where to sit.
He sat looking north. In front of him on the ground where he sat,
to his right were the bricks and the fire holder (the kund), and
to his left the offering table, covered with paan leaves where he
later put 6 pieces of fruit in 6 clay cups and 12 leaf bowls. In
front of him at the center was the small table with Susan's photo
also facing north. In front of that was a tray with the gift of
clothes and women's articles.
The priest then had Purna kneed the sweet, koya, with the sesame
seed. This was then divided in to 13 pieces and put into leaf bowls.
One was put on the table with Susan's photo, the other 12, representing
an offering for each of the next 12 months, were placed on the leaves
on the table to his left. Each bowl was covered with a leaf bowl
lid. Susan's photo was garlanded with marigolds. Behind the fireplace,
the priest set up the small diyas and placed ghee and wicks in each
and lit these with a large incense stick. He mixed the herbs/spices
for the incense and these trays plus the bowl and a spoon with ghee
were put in front of the fire. Extra fresh leaves were at hand for
later use as were the flowers.
Once organized, I, dressed in a saree and barefooted, came and sat
facing the priest and thus facing South, friends joined and sat
behind and the ceremony began. The priest using my and Susan's named
called on the ancestors and the god's to guide Susan. A Sanskrit
chant insued. I was asked to put a basil wood paste tika on Susan's
forehead in the photo and flowers and unhusked and husked rice in
front of it.
Then on each sweet offering in the leaf bowls, (1 in front of Susan's
photo and the other 12 on the table with the leaf cover) I was asked
to put vermillion tikas, holy Ganges water and sesame seed. Each
was again covered. I then put holy Ganges water using a leaf into
each cup with the leaf & a piece of fruit. Following this, I
was instructed sprinkled sesame seed & then a flower on the
fruit cups and circled the cups with a garland. Most of these acts
were accompanied by the priest chanting in Sanskrit.
Then the priest began to build a fire with a small amount of cotton
soaked in ghee and small sticks of wood. Once lit, it was my job
to keep it going with the addition of ghee. So at first the priest
chanted & I poured many spoons of ghee on to the fire and a
drop from each spoonful into the clay bowl with Ganges water. Once
the fire was a blaze, a new chant began and we were instructed to
put the incense between our thumb and 3rd/4th fingers and flick
this onto the now blazing fire at the sound of a specific word during
the priest's chant. Ever so often in this chant I was asked to add
ghee at the sound of the same word.
Once this was over, Ragini was asked to pour the milk, also sprinkled
with sesame seed onto my hand and the straw tied with red thread
which I held. This poured on to a brass bowl. Each of us was given
a fresh leaf with incense and asked at the right word in the next
chant to put this into the fire. Finally I was asked to hand each
guest a flower and each of us placed these in front of Susan's photo.
Once the fire activities were over and the priest had offered a
prayer for Susan's soul and well being, each of us had a cord of
red thread tied to our left wrist by the priest. The priest advised
us that he sensed that Susan was at peace.
While the incense continued to burn we went inside and the kind
priest was given his simple meal and then left with a gift offering
from me. The others of us gathered in the living room around the
family photos/sketches and Susan's album that I had made earlier.
Then Rashna read us a tranlsation of a section of the Upanishad
where a young priest speaks to the god of death to ask what is the
meaning of death and Yama, the god of death first resists saying,
this is to be learned as you live and each time you die, but then
with urging, Yama goes on to explain how death is just a moment
and at that moment the soul searches for release but not all souls
are released. Some are reborn but those with the understanding and
experience of death are released and able to leave the cycle of
birth, death and rebirth and find true peace.
I then read Susan's poem, I'm a Green-eyed Woman after which we
adjourned for our lovely vegetarian lunch. Prior to giving us our
food, 3 plates of food were dished up and sat aside. One for a cow,
one for a crow and one for a dog. After lunch a cow happened by
and I gingerly held out the plate for her, and she hungrily ate
each bite. The crow seemed less attracted to the food and after
Dorje was brought home from his hide-away, he ate the two puris
Purna offered as on this day there was to be no meat in the house
for any of us. Later, all house staff, the drivers, and the servants
in nearby homes were also given food or sweets.
This puja and the various rituals and giftings are all designed
to bring golden light in the form of happiness from others on to
Susan's soul.
I
wish each of you had been with me to participate in this special
ritual, as I am quite sure, Susan's incredible open spirit welcomed
the event with its usual curiosity and benefit.
Wilda
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